Question: What Do You Get When You Cross Colin Baker With The Moody Blues? Answer: "The Moody Whos" & This Song

     In my post about Jon Pertwee's groovy spoken-word-over-Doctor-Who-theme song "Who Is The Doctor?", I asked why we hadn't seen "tracks from Colin Baker or Sylvester McCoy performing a synthesizer-tormented variation". Now I'm not sure if its a "Ask & ye shall recieve" moment, or maybe a "Anything you think becomes real somewhere in some universe" sort of happening, but it appears that when I made that comment I was missing some very relevant information. Namely, the existence of "Doctor in Distress".
     Written by Ian Levine, the series' "unofficial continuity supervisor" (there's a groovy sounding job, if you ask me), and Fiachra Trench (the two had previously collaborated on the theme song for the pilot of 1981 Doctor Who spin-off K-9 & Company), the song was released in March of 1985 during a suspension of production on Doctor Who with the show looking as if it would be cancelled. The  song was performed by 25 "mid-level performers", which included Justin Hayward & John Lodge of the Moody Blues, as well as 4 actors from the series: Colin Baker (he may have been a Doctor or something, waiting for sources to confirm - Haha), Nicola Bryant (Peri Brown), Nicholas Courtney (Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart) & Anthony Ainley (The Master). Hans Zimmer, or as you might know him "That guy who did the Miami Vice theme", or maybe even "That guy who made synthesizers cool", performed the music.
     Despite having its proceeds directed towards the charity Cancer Research UK, "Doctor in Distress", the finished song, was so terrible that even the BBC refused to play it on their own radio stations, citing its poor quality. Levine later commented to The Guardian: "It was an absolute balls-up fiasco. It was pathetic & bad & stupid. It tried to tell the Doctor Who history in a high-energy song. It almost ruined me."
     Personally, I love this song. Then again, I've always had a soft spot for things incredibly cheesy & songs unfortunately produced in the 80s, not to mention the softer spot for all things Whovian. Just keep this in mind when listening: everything in the 80s was considered uber-cool in its time...except, apparently, this song. Yes, its cheesy. Yes, its terrible, Yes, Colin Baker probably shouldn't sing, especially when one of the words is "Exterminate!" sung in a high-pitched Dalek-like voice. But you might find the Whovian in you smiling at all of its flaws, or perhaps cringing the same way we all tend to do when we look at pictures of ourselves from 20 years ago. You can deny this song ever existed, but that doesn't change that it is a very real part of the whole massive Doctor Who quilt that we still use to warm our hearts.

Lyrics:

Eighteen months is too long to wait
Bring back the Doctor, don't hesitate
It was a cold wet night in November
Twenty-two years ago
There was a police box in a junkyard
We didn't know where it would go
An old man took two teachers
Into time & space
It started off a legend
That no other could replace

Doctor in distress
Let's all answer this SOS
Doctor in distress
Bring him back now, we won't take less

There were evil creatures
Who tried to exterminate
Inside each of their casings
Was a bubbling lump of hate
We met cybernetic humans
With no feelings at all
Warriors of ice
Who stood over seven feet tall

Bring him back now, we won't take less
If we stop his travels, he'll be in a mess
The galaxy will fall to evil once more
With nightmarish monsters fighting a war

We've learned to accept six Doctors
With companions at their side
When they were faced with dangers
They didn't run & hide
There was a Brigadier & a Master
& a canine computer
Each screaming girl just hoped
That a Yeti wouldn't shoot her

Doctor in distress
Let's all answer his SOS
Doctor in distress
Bring him back now, we won't take less


"Eighteen months is too long to wait"? Almost sounds like this song could be an anthem while waiting for series 8, although I'd have to side with "Who Is The Doctor" in a Which-Is-The-Cooler-Song survey.